Cars have been with us for over a hundred years. Paint has been with us for thousands of years. Bad ideas have been with us since the dawn of mankind. Put them all together and you get cars like this one.
What's really sad is that this paint job is intentional. It's something Ford put on test models to confuse digital cameras using long-range lenses. The microbe-esque things are supposed to scramble the image. Whatever happened to just hiding it under a sheet?
“Hmmm, I own a Rolls Royce. That announces I'm rich. But I really need something not only to tell people I'm rich, but that I'm ostentatiously rich, that I'm a real jerk about how much money I make. But what can I possibly do to communicate THAT?”
We've been staring at this photo for an hour and we just can't put together the thought process behind this paint job. We get the stripes on the exhaust vents, we guess, and the black background really makes the colors “pop”, but why did they want to make a Porsche look like it'd been attacked by a pack of Skittles? And what did the dealership have to say when this request came down the line?
This, at least, is just a vinyl wrap, so instead of spending hours painstakingly making this poor car look like your grandmother's nice “parlor furniture” with paint, they instead carefully designed and applied a vinyl decal to make it look like a granny sofa. Sure, the end result is still an eyesore, but at least they didn't spend months on this eyesore. Just weeks.
We've heard of flames applied to a car, of course, but this was done for somebody with way too much money by somebody who was a little hazy on the concept of “flames on a car.” “I want flames! Big flames! Lots of flames! I want to look like a fireball rolling down the freeway.” Of course, with the Viper's front grill, it looks more like a wrinkled old man, but live and learn.
Wow. Just...wow. You really want to put your name on this, Autostrada? Really? This is your ringing endorsement of your business? A car that looks like those cheesy glass globes people who call themselves “crafty” and sad dorks pretending to be wizards buy on sale at Michael's? To be fair, they're just a car dealership, so we guess they can only sell the cars people bring in, but still.
So, you got a car, added a spoiler, and cut it until it was as low to the ground as possible, thus making it as aerodynamic as possible. Then you spent thousands of dollars ruining that by making your car look like it was the offspring of a Civic and a tree. We're just curious as to whether or not your family committed you after seeing the car, or if they decided based on some of your other behavior.
You wanted a car that would proclaim to the world “I am a huge nerd!” So instead of buying something ugly, foreign and absurdly functional, like some obscure brand of hybrid, or a license plate like EIZMC2, you painted dozens of 5” floppy disks on your car. Did you get the idea on your own, or did Mr. Tree-Car help?
You know, there's very little that's impressive in snakeskin unless it's a snake that you killed in a desperate battle to survive when it was trying to eat you. Then that's a trophy and a memorial to a fallen worthy foe. Seriously, why are there actual snakes on this? This is the natural habitat of a woman in a bikini and blazer combo with five-inch high heels and Farrah hair. If you park this anywhere, that's what you come back to writhing on the hood...oh. OK, that makes a lot more sense.
No. No, no, no, no. You do not put dragons or any other mythical creature on anything other than a van. It must be airbrushed onto a van. Those are the rules. Anything else is an abomination before the car gods.
Also, whoever customized this obviously was looking for +1 Avoidance of Women, because he actually changed the lettering on the front to “Dragon”. And it's crooked. We will lay down money there's a vanity plate, probably something like PALADIN or DRGNSLYR, and there is only speed metal in the pile of CDs shoved into the glovebox.
Image Credits:
http://media.photobucket.com/image/ugly%20paint%20job/grandtheftxxx/fugly.jpg
http://www.ricedexotics.com/viper/files/viper_036.jpg
http://img.alibaba.com/img/buyoffer/102348521/Vinyl_car_wrap_films_wanted_.jpg
http://www.porscheperfect.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Porsche_911_Turbo_Ugly_Paint_Job.jpg
http://www.instablogsimages.com/images/2009/01/09/rolls-royce-phantom_issku_52_XxVGH_5965.jpg
http://blog.niot.net/blog-images/31_Aug/spy-shots-2010-ford-fusion-snapped.jpg
http://moopz.com/tag/paint+job
http://www.instablogsimages.com/images/2008/09/26/snake-car_eAXfN_7071.jpg
http://www.geekologie.com/2009/02/13/geek-car-1.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_xRFNBWST25E/S7ahUXEUcRI/AAAAAAAAE2E/wIZzQ110QhU/s1600/Corvette+Badget+Mod+-+Dragon+Car.jpg
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