CM: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Chris Martin. Welcome to the Inter-Gender Discussion Forum, where we calmly and intelligently debate issues between men and women in an intellectual and civil setting. Today's topic: driving. Which sex is the better driver?
MAN: That's easy. Men are. Women drive too slow.
WOMAN: Uh, not true. Women are better drivers because men drive too fast.
MAN: No way. We drive with the flow of traffic. Women just can't keep up in those wimpy little prissy cars.
WOMAN: Our cars are normal - not big honkin' pickup trucks or souped-up muscle machines. Overcompensate much?
MAN: Bigger vehicle, safer ride, sister.
WOMAN: Really? Is that why men are 77% more likely to die in an auto accident?
MAN: It's probably because women are so unpredictable that we can't possibly get out of your way before you run into us. Especially during that time of the…
WOMAN: Whoa! Don't even go there.
MAN: What? Did that make you mad?
WOMAN: Speaking of mad, why do all guys drive so angry all the time? Cutting off people, passing on the highway, going all Rambo…
MAN: The main reason men get mad is because women make them that way.
WOMAN: Or their favorite sports team lost. Awww… poor baby!
MAN: Don't cry to me like you cry to your girlfriends. Usually on your cell phone. While driving! You know that's dangerous, right?
WOMAN: Men talk on their cell phones while driving, too.
MAN: But not as much as women do.
WOMAN: We're probably talking about the stupid things that men do. Like drink and drive.
MAN: Women drive drunk too.
WOMAN: But not as much as men do.
MAN: Well, I could probably finish a pitcher of beer in the time it takes an average woman to park her damn car.
WOMAN: There's nothing wrong with how we park!
MAN: Only that it takes a lot longer than when men do it.
WOMAN: That's because men do everything too fast. On the road. With the TV remote. In bed…
MAN: Hey! That's not…
CM: Can I just jump in here, real quick? According to studies, men tend to be more aggressive drivers and take more risks - which often gets them in trouble.
WOMAN: See?
CM: But women generally have more trouble with spatial relations and concentration, which can also lead to problems.
MAN: See?
CM: In fact, one researcher noted that if we removed the relationship between driving violations and gender, we could no longer predict accidents based on gender.
MAN: Well, what does that mean?
CM: Basically, that men and women each have their own driving issues - and that neither is better or worse than the other. So you're both wrong.
WOMAN: Wait - did you just say I was wrong?
MAN: Are you talkin to me, pal?
WOMAN: Get out of here! Hit the road, Jack!
MAN: Better beat it before I decide to beat you!
(sounds of running footsteps and a door slamming)
WOMAN: Man! The nerve of that guy!
MAN: Yeah. What a jerk.
If you need car insurance, check out SafeAuto.com.
Image: www.carandtravelmagazine.com
Subscribe